


No Salvation

by orphan_account



Category: The Beatles (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Gen, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mclennon is implied, References to Depression, Sad, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:28:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26159539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: When Paul woke up, he didn't know that something that tragic has happened
Relationships: John Lennon/Paul McCartney (implied)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 39





	No Salvation

**Author's Note:**

> Read the trigger warnings please.  
> Hope you enjoy, leave a kudo and your :)

Paul's slumber was disrupted by loud knocking at the front door.

He groaned, keeping his eyes shut, but hearing the muffled voice of his father and the muffled voice of a woman.

Paul's eyes were about to close again, when he heard loud thumping footsteps coming up the creaky wooden stairs, before the door of his bedroom was flung open.

"What'cha want, da...it's too early" grumbled Paul, pulling the covers over his head.  
But soon, light and coldness filtered into his makeshift cocoon, and he was face to face with Jim McCartney.

"Son... something very bad had happened…" 

Paul was suddenly completely awake, eyes wide as he looked at his father, who had quickly walked out of the room and down the stairs.

Paul stared dumbfounded at the doorway his father had just disappeared from, before throwing off of his body the covers and decided to go see what was wrong and why his father had sounded so upset.

When he reached the living room, he stopped dead in his track.

John Lennon's aunt, Mimi, was sitting there.

For a second, Paul had feared that she had discovered the outing he and John had done the night before.

But something in her look made Paul feel even more scared.

Mimi's eyes were red and her cheeks were covered in tear tracks.

Her knuckles were white by holding her purse tightly in her hands and her dress was slightly wrinkled, almost like she had thrown it on seconds before running to the McCartney's.

Paul gulped, walking closer to the two adults, who were staring at him.

"W-What's wrong?" he asked meekly, "Where's John?" he then added, noticing his mate's absence.

"Paul...what I'm about to say is probably going to shock you very much" started slowly Mimi, inhaling sharply.

Paul's already big eyes widened even more as he got closer, until he was sitting next to his best mate's aunt.

Fear started gnawing at his stomach, the air around him getting tense.

"Paul... John… John…"

"He's dead, son" 

Both woman and boy looked bewildered at Jim.  
The man sighed deeply, bringing a cigar up to his mouth and slumping down onto his armchair.

Paul started laughing, the sound sounding scary, almost inhuman.

"You must be kidding, right?" he said, smiling in Mimi and Jim's direction. The two only looked at each other, tears still streaming down the woman's face.

"Right? Right? Where is the bastard? John, where are you?" 

"Paul...your father...your father wasn't kidding, sweetie" 

The boy slowly turned around to face her, taking in the tired sight of Mimi.

Sick reality started settling in his stomach. No one had laughed with him and John was nowhere to be found.

He stumbled backwards, a hand shooting to grab something, anything, to prevent his fall.

Jim caught him, gently sitting him down onto the sofa.

"When…" was the only thing he could mutter. Feeling cold and like the air had been sucked out of him, he looked at Mimi, his eyes dull.

"I found him in the bathtub during the night… there was..there was an empty pill bottle on the floor and...and…" Mimi broke down into loud sobs and Jim was quick to sit next to her and hug her, rubbing her back as she cried.

No matter if Jim and Mimi had never got along before, the man still understood the woman's desperate sadness.

"And…?" asked Paul. He was feeling cold, confused, dread clawing at his entire body.

It was impossible. John was such a strong lad.

"...And he had his wrists slitted. The both of them" whispered Mimi, fist rubbing her eyes to get rid of the nasty tears.

Paul's body slumped over. Why? Why had John done something like that?

Sure, he had gone through so much shit in his very short life, but he was strong. He could beat everything.

Suddenly, memories of the night before came at full force in his mind.

John and Paul were walking down the cobblestone streets of downtown Liverpool.

Paul laughed, nudging John with his elbow and John looked at him with a small smile.

"What's wrong, Johnny? Cat got yer tongue?"  
"No, 'm just thinking" replied John with a shrug.

"Oh, you do that now?" said cheekily Paul, earning a loud scoff from the auburn haired boy and laugh by the dark haired one.

The two walked around some more, drinking beer and laughing together, but something was surely off.

John was quieter. His smiles looked fake, they didn't reach his eyes.

Paul had asked him if something was wrong, but John, the stubborn bastard had always said that everything was completely fine.

They shared a soft goodnight kiss, John cupping Paul's soft face and telling him how much he loved him. Paul hadn't thought much of it and told him he loved him too, his face breaking into a warm smile.

Then, by the end of the evening, they had gone their separate ways, Paul not thinking anything was going to be wrong.

And now here they were.

Mimi had found John dead.

He thought about Mimi, maybe walking to the bathroom because she heard a noise.

Ready to scold John for having sneaked out and got drunk again.

Only to find him unconscious into the bathtub, blood colouring red the water.  
Maybe she had tried to make him breath, maybe crying as she tried to stop the blood.

Maybe even trying to make him purge the pills. After all, she was a nurse, she knew what to do.

Paul shuddered at the thought. 

His whole world had just crushed on his shoulders.

He couldn't believe it. John, the only person who could get him and see the real him had died.

He should have seen the signs:

How John was always wearing long sleeves;  
How he was always fidgeting;  
How he was always telling Paul how much he loved him, all with a sad glint in his eyes;  
How he never wanted to take off his shirt while making love and how much he would cry after the act, curled up around Paul.

"Why...do you know why he did it?" whispered Paul, looking up with tear filled eyes.

Mimi shook her head, sighing a little, hand getting into the purse and taking out a wrinkled up paper.

She handed it over to Paul, who took it with shaky hands.

On it, in John's scrawly handwriting, there were only three words:

'I'm sorry' 

Paul numbly turned it around and there was written something else in a very shaky handwriting.

'i'm sorry, Mimi. I'm sorry to be such a disappointment. I love you, Mimi, please don't be sad. You were a great mummy since Julia couldn't be my mother'

His eyes traveled down. In it, there were acknowledged other people, and his eyes fell over his name.

'Dear Paul. You're the most important person in my life. You're the only one who could get me. But I'm sorry. I can't do it anymore. The void in my heart had gotten too big, the pain was too strong. Please, forgive me. I love you. Forever yours, Johnny'

His eyesight got blurry and his breath hitched. Droplets of water fell onto the wrinkled sheet.

He looked up at Mimi, before surprising himself by hugging her and letting the both of them cry in each other's arms.

The funeral was a modest thing.

Paul, Mike and Jim, dressed in their best second hand suits were standing in the cemetery.

Paul was trying to be as strong as possible as he looked at the dark coffin in front of him.

On it, beautiful yellow roses were putted by the family and friends of John.

The boy listened as the priest talked about how great John was and how many good things he had done.

Paul wasn't sure that people knew the way John had died.

Paul was still in pain. He was so ashamed he hadn't seen the telltale signs of John's depression. What if he could stop him? What if he was able to see through John's crafted wall and help him?

But it wasn't time for what ifs.

With a last glance, tears still streaming down his cheeks, he said his last goodbye to his best friend and lover, looking as John disappeared under the dark soil, finally in peace forever.


End file.
